Ooh, I loved this! The changes that you made were fantastic -- the three sections were much more clearly delineated and the POV was exactly what you'd wanted. The overly shots of the jumpers were great, especially the way they culminated in a large shot of the jumper leaving the planet. I really liked this in its original version, but this final version was even better. This was awesome, seriously. I'm so glad you finished and posted it!