Well, I don't think there's any way to be sure you'll never put off anyone. If an author is not ready to think about this and come to an understanding of your pov, you'll never see eye to eye. There are people who might never give you their informed consent. But do you want their uninformed consent? No, you don't, really. So you need to know that they don't agree with you before you get into bed with them... so you can avoid it.

I believe that in the case of irreconcilable differences, it's better if everyone knows they exist. And in the case where an understanding CAN be reached, well, I'm pretty sure you can write down what you think without making it sound aggressive or off-putting to the people who can potentially agree with you.

It might /seem/ hard, but I think the part of us that thinks it's hard is actually the part secretly unable to cope with the idea that we can't all agree on everything. It's the part of us that thinks, perhaps if they didn't know everything I think they might let me record their fic anyway, and I could get away with it! That's a petty and juvenile part of us, though. Wouldn't you say? *g*