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As for crack fics: John and Rodney as...
socks - http://thighholster.livejournal.com/1252.html
ice cubes - http://darsynia.livejournal.com/93658.html
unicorn and rainbow - http://thingswithwings.livejournal.com/18384.html
gingerbread men - http://community.livejournal.com/sga_flashfic/230640.html
girl scout cookies - http://bitter-crimson.livejournal.com/577790.html
shrimp - http://bitter-crimson.livejournal.com/591742.html?thread=4974462#t4974462
I know there are tons more, but right now I'm drawing a total blank. Will get back to this.