paraka | (no subject)

So, this weeks SGA. Wow, just wow. This is the show I love. Please, please, please have more episodes like this. I loved it so much! ♥

If they keep the episodes coming like this and Woolsey remains as awesome cool as he's been than I shall be very happy with this season. :D

Also, in other news I think I really need to move out as soon as I can. I joke with my friends that while I don't pay for rent in money, living with my parents, I pay for it with little pieces of my soul. That's really unfair to my parents because it's not actually bad living here. I do however think the statement has some truth.

For those of you who have been on my flist for a long time, you may remember my huge downs and depressions back from 2004/2005. While I've never been as deeply depressed for so long like that since, I still get depressed. When I'm in school is when I'm worse because that's when I start hurting myself.

When I first started to get depressed as an adult I firmly put the blame for that depression on outside stressors in life, such as school. Then when I moved to China where there wasn't any real stress in my life I still found myself in certain moods. It wasn't anything as strong as what I felt in Guelph, but it was there when I thought it should be. It was easily fixed for the most part, I would read a sad fic, cry and generally feel better by the next day. That made me realize that my depression wasn't just caused by outside things.

I hadn't really come to more revelations about my depression after that. There were times when it became worse (certainly when I was in school) and other times when it wasn't there at all. Then the first weekend of July came, and I was feeling kind of meh. Not depressed yet, but not happy, until I got a call from

raxhel saying she was in the neighbourhood and could she stop by. All of a sudden I was feeling really happy. We had a great couple days together but when she left, suddenly the bad feels came back with a vengeance and I was left feeling like crap.

I think that's where I'm at right now. There's not enough consistent happiness in my life, combined with the low grade unhappiness of living at home has been leaving me in a position where it's really easy to get depressed. Yesterday I had the stupidest conversation with my sister that left me angry and crying. I went and hid in my room and just cried. It really had nothing to do with what we had just said but it was the last straw and suddenly I was there. Depressed. I suddenly understood how people can become alcoholics because I found myself wanted to get drunk. I did actually get kind of tipsy, as

equusentric found out :P, but I kind of regretted it because combined with the huge dinner we had I felt like I was going to throw up.

And last, but certainly not least, a great big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my soul twin,

itsjustkristen I don't see you hanging around online much any more but I miss you and hope you have a great day!

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*pokes* Don't do anything stupid.

Although I totally know what you're going through. There are times when I've found that just driving around or even walking around makes me feel better and then there are times when I just give the world a big "fuck you" and sleep through it.

Ohm, I didn't do anything stupid. It hasn't really been that all consuming, just *there* when I feel it shouldn't be. It's frustrating that I'm feeling so down when there's nothing wrong with my life right now.

There are times when I've found that just driving around or even walking around makes me feel better
This weekend I played with my nephew and that made me feel better :) 2 months old and he's already so big. He can hold his head up and sit upright (with a little help) and is just adorable. *iz proud*

Damn...why can't my sister move closer so I can have that too? Babies totally make it better. I just have to remember not to think of Rodney's "they wiggle" comment next time I hold my neice. Otherwise, I really will drop her.

The totally do make things better. Although they generally make me want to jump the first guy I see so I can have one of my own....

*hugs you*

I completely sympathise. I struggle myself with Depression and several Anxiety disorders. I really despise that slump you described where you just all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, fall into a great big heap and cry and cry and cry.

I live at home too and I honestly think that makes me feel like I have a lack of independence, and makes me feel guilty and just... horrible. Depressed.

You said in your meme post that your LJ has helped you in the past, so I hope that it still does. The best thing, I find, is just to find one thing that makes you happy and cling to it with all your might. Like Debbie said in QAF (and boy has it helped me in the past) "all you can do at a time like this is just hang on until the scenery changes".

I know this may sound corny or trite, but if you ever want someone to talk to, please feel free to contact me. And I mean that. My email is toxikae@hotmail.com.

I live at home too and I honestly think that makes me feel like I have a lack of independence, and makes me feel guilty and just... horrible.
Hmm, I don't know if it's so much the lack of independence that bothers me so much as the lack of freedom. My parents live out in the country so there's not much socially going on there and I'm also obliged to take part in more family things, when sometimes there are things I'd prefer to be doing. Also, just some of the minor bossing around stuff. I do like living in a clean house, but sometimes it's nice to know I can just leave the dishes for later, you know?

LJ really did help me back when I was falling apart at the seams. I had a really great supportive flist at the time which really helped and I was also more involved with fandom and comments saying that I had made someone's day really made mine. I don't know if my flist is the same as it was then, it seems more distant to me now but I think that has to do with me not putting myself out there as much. Still, when I'm feeling down, LJ is the first place I turn.

And thanks for the offer, I'll keep your email on hand :)

Thank you! ♥
I'm here, I'm just quiet! ;)
I just spent the past 12 days in your country...Saskatchewan to be exact!