Thank you everyone.

[paraka]

Thanks so much to everyone who left comments in my last post. Although I will say one thing, normally I love gmail, but all the ads for cat grooming, cat toys, etc. wasn't all that helpful. Still. I was really missing her last night when I went to sleep, we normally sleep together, she'll sometimes curl up in my arms so I raided my sister's room for a stuffed animal to sleep with. I've never been a stuffed animal person, even when I was a kid, but I thought it might help. Anyways, it was kind of dark and I just went for shape but it turns out that the stuffed animal I grabbed? Was a Tigger. It took me a second to realize it since Tigger for the past 4 years has been my cat, not a Winnie the Pooh character. I'm not sure if that just made me sadder or brought comfort, but he's still in my bed, so.

Comments

[the-muppet.livejournal.com]

Actually I think the Tigger story is sweet =)

*more heffa hugs*

[paraka]

Well, it's been a week and Tigger is still on my bed, so I guess it's helping :)

[lemonpiefirefly.livejournal.com]

That is how your connection is more than virtual right now. I tell you, I am not a big daydreamer, and my dreams and realities rarely get confused (we'll see how that goes as I age with fandom; I have a feeling I'll lose it at some point ;) ) but you know how I had said I understood? Well, of course it's different for everyone, just as it is with any relationship, when you experience a loss. But still...
I had a dog that was my very first "on my own," when I was in vet school. She died suddenly when she wasn't even 3 years old. The details aren't important, but it was terrible and tore me to pieces.
The odd part was what happened after she was gone, though. Back then, I lived in a house with hardwood floors, and it was our nightly routine for me to walk through the door, hear her click softly behind me through the door and close it behind her when I had heard she was in. Starting 2 days after she'd passed, and for a week after, I could *hear* her coming in behind me. Not imagine it, but unbidden *hear* it. Good memories as a balm? Patterns repeating in chemical pathways? Whatever. All I know is the connection reminded me she was gone, and that part made the hurt seem a little worse in a way, but... In truth it made me feel a little closer for awhile, cemented her place in my life and that she'd been there, and in a way would always be, and brought me a bittersweet peace, too.

So the Tigger toy? Not too sentimental at all.

Great gobs of hugs your way....

[paraka]

Hey, sorry I took so long to reply, I've kind of been avoiding my computer for the past week. Thank you so much for the email you sent and again for your offer of advise, it meant a lot to me. Tigger's condition just changed so quickly there wasn't really anything that could be done.

There have been a few times that I think I hear Tigger. Sometimes I hear the cats outside and think that it's her stuck downstairs or something. This morning as I was walking out the door I could hear this jingling that sounded like the little bell on her collar. It was driving me nuts trying to figure out what the sound was until I realized it *was* the bell from her collar which I had put in my purse. :S

It keeps hitting me at weird times that Tigger's gone. It's amazing how well she had us all trained, I keep finding myself doing things that I don't have to anymore. Like when I go into my room I always leave the door open a little so she can come and go as she pleases. Or I find myself shutting certain doors in the house because she wasn't allowed in those rooms.

*sigh* I still miss her, but I'm getting better. And in a few months I'll see about finding another cat.

Thanks for the hugs. :)