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Thinky Thoughts.
First off, Happy Birthday ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
_wwsd_! I hope you had a great day!
Next...
So, remember last week how I was mentioning feeling blue? Well, sometimes I just get into these moods, where I feel sad. If things are stressfull in my life then these moods can be blown into full out depression complete with suicidal thoughts and self harm, but a lot of the time, it just makes me want to cry. Normally what I'll do is go and find a really angsty fic, and cry over that, and feel better. This week I didn't though, so when my sister announced that she was pregnant, I cried over that. A lot.
I made the mistake of telling my mom that I was crying so much becuase I was feeling blue. And now... well she wants to *fix* it. I find this frustrating for a couple reasons.
1) She doesn't seem to realize that there's a difference between depression and PMS.
2) She tries to compair me to other people. My mom can also be very preachy when she wants to be. Which is often.
and 3) She wants me to go to the Dr.s about it. I really don't want to do this.
Last time I mentioned to my Dr. that I get depressed he put me on a series of drugs, even though I wasn't feeling depressed at the time, and it totally *fucked* my life up. It made me *really* depressed. When I was a teenager I had done stupid things like cutting, and ended up in the ER once after trying to kill myself, but since then, I had stopped. Until I was put on the stupid drugs, and now..? well, I do it more often then I'd like to admit. I'm off the drugs now, but the thought of going back on something really freaks me out. I don't remember really having these "blue" periods befre I took the drugs. I don't even know if these types of drugs can affect you is such a way, but, god, I'm really bad at taking drugs regularly. I can't even manage to stay on the pill for more than a few months, because I just end up forgetting to take the damn things. I can't stand the thought of becoming relient on drugs to get through the day, because I don't trust myself to stay on them. And what if they fuck me over more?
So, *everyone* remembers the whole race debate that went on earlier this year. I think about it quite a lot actually. It was the first time that I really got involved in a thing like this. I spent a *lot* of time reading what other people had to say, and then defending myself when I posted publicly about it on my LJ. I don't know, a lot of it stuck with me when going through fandom.
A lot of people would think that was good, and the whole point of having that debate, but I can't help but thing I'd be dissapointing them, because I tend to think of all the "side" arguments that went on. You know the ones that people would complain are either missing the point, or a weak attempt to change the point/subject.
For example, one of the stories that kept getting mentioned was String Theory bytoft_froggy because Teyla was simply Rodney's driver in the fic.
I hadn't read the fic at the time, but someone posted a podfic of it over at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
sgapodfic so I finally listened to it today.
After reading it, and remembering what people were saying about it back when, I was really surprised at Teyla's part in the fic. Not because she was a driver, but because so many people tried to justify Teyla in that position by saying she was so much *more* than a driver to Rodney. Wha? She was barely in it? and one of the only scenes where she and Rodney spoke she was asking for a day off, much like Bob Cratchit asked Ebenezer Scrooge for Christmas off. I can totally see why people would be thrown off by Teyla's part in this fic.
The same thing happened with the original Barista!Ronon fic. So many people came to the author's defense saying that Ronon was a Big Important Character in the fic, and wasn't he *awesome* in his part? Ronon was barely in the fic, hadn't much to do with the story line, and you could have easily inserted a different character into that position and not changed the feel of the story one bit.
I don't know, to me, it sounds so much better to say, well this person was a secondary character to my story so just got shoved in, than to try and justify and/or hide the fact that they were just shoved in.
_wwsd_! I hope you had a great day!Next...
So, remember last week how I was mentioning feeling blue? Well, sometimes I just get into these moods, where I feel sad. If things are stressfull in my life then these moods can be blown into full out depression complete with suicidal thoughts and self harm, but a lot of the time, it just makes me want to cry. Normally what I'll do is go and find a really angsty fic, and cry over that, and feel better. This week I didn't though, so when my sister announced that she was pregnant, I cried over that. A lot.
I made the mistake of telling my mom that I was crying so much becuase I was feeling blue. And now... well she wants to *fix* it. I find this frustrating for a couple reasons.
1) She doesn't seem to realize that there's a difference between depression and PMS.
2) She tries to compair me to other people. My mom can also be very preachy when she wants to be. Which is often.
and 3) She wants me to go to the Dr.s about it. I really don't want to do this.
Last time I mentioned to my Dr. that I get depressed he put me on a series of drugs, even though I wasn't feeling depressed at the time, and it totally *fucked* my life up. It made me *really* depressed. When I was a teenager I had done stupid things like cutting, and ended up in the ER once after trying to kill myself, but since then, I had stopped. Until I was put on the stupid drugs, and now..? well, I do it more often then I'd like to admit. I'm off the drugs now, but the thought of going back on something really freaks me out. I don't remember really having these "blue" periods befre I took the drugs. I don't even know if these types of drugs can affect you is such a way, but, god, I'm really bad at taking drugs regularly. I can't even manage to stay on the pill for more than a few months, because I just end up forgetting to take the damn things. I can't stand the thought of becoming relient on drugs to get through the day, because I don't trust myself to stay on them. And what if they fuck me over more?
So, *everyone* remembers the whole race debate that went on earlier this year. I think about it quite a lot actually. It was the first time that I really got involved in a thing like this. I spent a *lot* of time reading what other people had to say, and then defending myself when I posted publicly about it on my LJ. I don't know, a lot of it stuck with me when going through fandom.
A lot of people would think that was good, and the whole point of having that debate, but I can't help but thing I'd be dissapointing them, because I tend to think of all the "side" arguments that went on. You know the ones that people would complain are either missing the point, or a weak attempt to change the point/subject.
For example, one of the stories that kept getting mentioned was String Theory by
toft_froggy because Teyla was simply Rodney's driver in the fic. I hadn't read the fic at the time, but someone posted a podfic of it over at
sgapodfic so I finally listened to it today. After reading it, and remembering what people were saying about it back when, I was really surprised at Teyla's part in the fic. Not because she was a driver, but because so many people tried to justify Teyla in that position by saying she was so much *more* than a driver to Rodney. Wha? She was barely in it? and one of the only scenes where she and Rodney spoke she was asking for a day off, much like Bob Cratchit asked Ebenezer Scrooge for Christmas off. I can totally see why people would be thrown off by Teyla's part in this fic.
The same thing happened with the original Barista!Ronon fic. So many people came to the author's defense saying that Ronon was a Big Important Character in the fic, and wasn't he *awesome* in his part? Ronon was barely in the fic, hadn't much to do with the story line, and you could have easily inserted a different character into that position and not changed the feel of the story one bit.
I don't know, to me, it sounds so much better to say, well this person was a secondary character to my story so just got shoved in, than to try and justify and/or hide the fact that they were just shoved in.
Re: Secondary characters
Mostly, I just don't care. Teyla's too serene and Ronon's too violent for my tastes, but it's been hard to defend the opinion that one simply finds them uninteresting without fielding accusations of racism, so, yeah. I think I have a chip on my shoulder about the whole thing. Whoops.
Are you serious? I've been checking in every few months for that fic -- I had no idea she'd discontinued it! I remember reading Xanthe way back when she was first posting her X-Files epic; I can't believe I'm not going to get to read more. This and
I had to think about this for a while because on the one hand yes, absolutely true. But on the other hand, they're just not analogous somehow, although the argument can easily be made the Air Force is just as much a culture as anything else. Perhaps the difference is that I'm coming at it from a PoC perspective and (I'm assuming) you're not? I don't quite know if that's it, though.
The thing is, I'm very much aware of the bits of backstory I have to make up for CoCs and I feel like there's some pressure to move 'em on up like the Jeffersons in order to avoid any potential racism wank, at least when their backstory hasn't been specified. Take David, for example: I could write David fic with him growing up in the ghetto because he's said as much. No one could accuse me of racism for that characterization. But I'm afraid that if I wrote Ronon as a member of the warrior class, I'd be accused of racism and people would argue up and down that Sateda was an advanced civilization with universities and why couldn't I write Ronon as someone who was educated and a warrior? And then you'd get into the civilized caveman stereotypes, blahblahblah, and it would be a nightmare. And I feel like if I just left that out, then I'd be accused of fence sitting, like I'd either have to come out and admit I'm a racist and have just been trying not to show it or I'm a coward for not having written Ronon as a brilliant university student to start with. And the thing is, if I wrote either Colby or John as coming from a lower class family, even though neither's been specified (at least not that I recall), I wouldn't get any flack from anyone.
So, yeah, I know I'm thinking ten steps ahead and shooting myself in the foot before I've even been given a gun, but. I don't know. Writing CoC seems like such an issue, even if it's not. I doubt all that would happen (and even if it did, my public reaction would be a more polite version of, "Fuck all y'all, I'll write what I damn well please, take your meta elsewhere, kthnx"), but just the thought keeps me from even trying. And that's ridiculous, but. Yeah. If I thought people reacted to CoCs like they react to non-CoCs then it probably wouldn't be an issue, but I think there's still a divide there.
...yeah, so that was a random brain dump there. Sorry I couldn't make it more coherent.
Re: Secondary characters
Yeah I totally get that. That's one of the things that drives me crazy about the whole argument. That you can't just *do* something without having racist motivations. Of all the fics that were mentioned in the racism wank way back, how many of them do you think the author was honestly giving into racist ideals, conscious or unconscious?
Are you serious? I've been checking in every few months for that fic -- I had no idea she'd discontinued it!
Yeah, she's taken *so much* heat for it. From fans that object to the BDSM aspect of it, from people who have objected to the basis of the world, and the characterization. I think Coming Home was just too popular and got taken out if it's context, and people were reading it when it wasn't their thing, just because "everyone else" was. Actually, someone on my flist was writing about it yesterday, and from that post it's easy to see why she Xanthe decided to leave, even if it makes me really sad.
I'm going to post my comment to the rest of your post in another comment, since I'm sure I'll end up going over the word count.
Re: Secondary characters
Do you want to never see CoC in fanfic because people, even PoC are afraid of writing them?
Because, to me, thinking things like that, letting the fear of what other people say, well it is really shooting yourself in the foot before you start, but also, I think it spawns more confusion and misunderstanding, and leaves us open to all kinds of pain.
I think people need to learn to accept that writers can't be perfect. Or that people interpret things differently, and that those interpretations aren't done out of malice (usually, I know that's not always true), and that this applies to CoC too. I mean, we're all able to accept a hundred different interpretations of McKay and Sheppard, why can't there be more than one of Ronon and Teyla.
And the thing is, if I wrote either Colby or John as coming from a lower class family, even though neither's been specified (at least not that I recall), I wouldn't get any flack from anyone.
I think, more than anything, the thing that keeps racism alive, is the double standard.
When people demand that a character be treated differently, it creates an environment where people can do no right.
When people go ragging on a fic and call it racist rather than identify it as bad writing, or poor characterization they just create an environment where *anything* produced is going to seem racist.
And to lay the burden of saying that if you are going to touch these characters there is no room for error... it's just shooting yourself in the foot again, and means that people will never get past a persons skin colour and see a character, a person.
*sigh* I keep writing things, and then deleting them. I think trying to give examples is just throwing me off, so I'm going to leave it here.