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Unpopular fannish opinion
So, I have an unpopular fannish opinion, and unlike the last one I had, I don't think I can keep this one private.
For those that don't already know, Adam Lambert was arrested last night. He and his boyfriend got into a fight at a bar, and when people tried to get between them, some of them got hurt. The police were called and Adam and Suali (his boyfriend) were arrested.
They spent some time in jail before being released in the morning. Adam tweeted: "Jetlag+Vodka=blackout. Us÷blackout=irrational confusion. jail+guilt+press=lesson learned. Sauli+Adam+hangover burgers= laughing bout it. : )" to explain what happened.
I followed all of this on Twitter, where most of my feed has been pretty supportive of Adam if they were commenting in any detail on the event.
shshpd made a series of tweets, however, which a retweeted:
Honestly, the way some people are minimizing this... it's so typical of the way DV is often minimized. "They were just wrestling..."...
... "We're laughing about it now..." "He hit her 'accidentally' when she tried to intervene." "Love is hard." It all disturbs me.
I realize we don't really know what actually happened, but I find the language disturbing.
When, in response to my RTing those, someone said that we (shshpd and I) should wait for evidence before accusing Adam of domestic violence, well, I got into a conversation that is too complex for 140 characters, so I'm moving it here.
I didn't RT those tweets as an accusation towards Adam, I RTed them because I agreed with the last one. We don't know what happened but the way people are talking about it is disturbing. There's a greater history at play here of society's acceptance/casual dismissal of domestic violence. As I said on twitter, there's a difference between saying "let's wait for evidence" and "whatever, it's not that bad, it's no big deal."
And having people act like poor Adam has to deal with this thing that the media is blowing out of proportion... I'm sorry, no.
If you get into a fight with your partner that's so bad you get arrested, that people get hurt, even accidentally, I'm sorry, you deserve to take some heat from that, I don't care who you are. Yeah the heat is worse because Adam's a celeb, but because he's a celeb people are also more likely to defend him and dismiss his actions too.
Regardless of whether Adam committed domestic violence, his actions, as reported, reflect domestic violence. And just waving a hand saying "oh, no, don't worry, nothing bad happened" perpetuates a history of domestic, puts people who are in actual situations of domestic violence in a harder place to get out of.
And, on a personal level, I find these dismissive attitudes triggery. Just because an action is an aberration from the norm and is forgiven, doesn't negate the nature of the action, nor its connection to a greater societal history of actions. Because let me tell you, from personal experience even, that being told "oh, it's not that bad, and just think! Some people have to deal with this kind of anger and violence all the time! They're the real ones we should feel sorry for" isn't really comforting.
And dismissing an action as a one off accident or being unwilling to recognize the similarity between those actions and a history of greater abuse just allows for that greater abuse to continue outside the specific circumstances (how many times does an abuser get away with their actions by claiming their actions were an aberration? By saying that nothing happened, by having others say it's no big deal?).
Again, I wasn't there, I don't know what actually happened between Adam, Sauli and the others who got involved in the whole fight. I can't comment on all that. But I have been watching parts of fandom react to the news. I've seen the dismissive language/attitudes being expressed and I can and will comment on that.
And with that, I'm gonna go back to podficcing.
ETA: Adam just tweeted "Violence is not to be taken lightly. Embarrassed by drunkenness. No punches thrown, no injuries and no charges. Media always exaggerates." So I'll take him at his word and assume the media did exaggerate what happened greatly. But I still stand by my comments and that I dislike the silencing/shaming of voices I saw occurring when the information we had said otherwise.
For those that don't already know, Adam Lambert was arrested last night. He and his boyfriend got into a fight at a bar, and when people tried to get between them, some of them got hurt. The police were called and Adam and Suali (his boyfriend) were arrested.
They spent some time in jail before being released in the morning. Adam tweeted: "Jetlag+Vodka=blackout. Us÷blackout=irrational confusion. jail+guilt+press=lesson learned. Sauli+Adam+hangover burgers= laughing bout it. : )" to explain what happened.
I followed all of this on Twitter, where most of my feed has been pretty supportive of Adam if they were commenting in any detail on the event.
shshpd made a series of tweets, however, which a retweeted:
Honestly, the way some people are minimizing this... it's so typical of the way DV is often minimized. "They were just wrestling..."...
... "We're laughing about it now..." "He hit her 'accidentally' when she tried to intervene." "Love is hard." It all disturbs me.
I realize we don't really know what actually happened, but I find the language disturbing.
When, in response to my RTing those, someone said that we (shshpd and I) should wait for evidence before accusing Adam of domestic violence, well, I got into a conversation that is too complex for 140 characters, so I'm moving it here.
I didn't RT those tweets as an accusation towards Adam, I RTed them because I agreed with the last one. We don't know what happened but the way people are talking about it is disturbing. There's a greater history at play here of society's acceptance/casual dismissal of domestic violence. As I said on twitter, there's a difference between saying "let's wait for evidence" and "whatever, it's not that bad, it's no big deal."
And having people act like poor Adam has to deal with this thing that the media is blowing out of proportion... I'm sorry, no.
If you get into a fight with your partner that's so bad you get arrested, that people get hurt, even accidentally, I'm sorry, you deserve to take some heat from that, I don't care who you are. Yeah the heat is worse because Adam's a celeb, but because he's a celeb people are also more likely to defend him and dismiss his actions too.
Regardless of whether Adam committed domestic violence, his actions, as reported, reflect domestic violence. And just waving a hand saying "oh, no, don't worry, nothing bad happened" perpetuates a history of domestic, puts people who are in actual situations of domestic violence in a harder place to get out of.
And, on a personal level, I find these dismissive attitudes triggery. Just because an action is an aberration from the norm and is forgiven, doesn't negate the nature of the action, nor its connection to a greater societal history of actions. Because let me tell you, from personal experience even, that being told "oh, it's not that bad, and just think! Some people have to deal with this kind of anger and violence all the time! They're the real ones we should feel sorry for" isn't really comforting.
And dismissing an action as a one off accident or being unwilling to recognize the similarity between those actions and a history of greater abuse just allows for that greater abuse to continue outside the specific circumstances (how many times does an abuser get away with their actions by claiming their actions were an aberration? By saying that nothing happened, by having others say it's no big deal?).
Again, I wasn't there, I don't know what actually happened between Adam, Sauli and the others who got involved in the whole fight. I can't comment on all that. But I have been watching parts of fandom react to the news. I've seen the dismissive language/attitudes being expressed and I can and will comment on that.
And with that, I'm gonna go back to podficcing.
ETA: Adam just tweeted "Violence is not to be taken lightly. Embarrassed by drunkenness. No punches thrown, no injuries and no charges. Media always exaggerates." So I'll take him at his word and assume the media did exaggerate what happened greatly. But I still stand by my comments and that I dislike the silencing/shaming of voices I saw occurring when the information we had said otherwise.
no subject
However - I think this was completely blown out of proportion. And let's face it, sometimes guys fight that way. Is it okay? Probably not. But it happens.
For me this has nothing to do with domestic violence, but a fight in public that got out of hand. Nobody was hurt in the process.
And dismissing an action as a one off accident or being unwilling to recognize the similarity between those actions and a history of greater abuse just allows for that greater abuse to continue outside the specific circumstances
I think it's a matter of our own experiences how we react to this. Assuming an action like that is always connected to greater abuse is - IMHO - problematic and often not fitting. However, I get your point and trying to shut it down is not the way to go.