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I doubt that anyone actually waiting for a reply on comments from me is actually reading this post, but, if they are, I'll get to them soon. Tomorrow at the very latest.

I hope people on my flist had a nice weekend, I know for a lot of us it was a long weekend.

For me, while there was laughs and chocolate, it was also really stressful and draining.

About a year ago, I came back home, just in time to watch my grandfather die. We've been handling it rather well, but this is going to be a really hard week. Especially for my grandmother. She's been having a lot of trouble coping with being alone. And living alone for the first time in over 50 years. My grandparents had been together for 55 years when my grandfather died. When I left her house yesterday, my sister was with her as she sobbed.

I'm not really going to get into this, I don't really think I can. I miss him, he was really a centre to our family. I'm stressed, and I really don't want to talk to anyone right now. I wish that I had never made that post over a week ago, and that no one linked to it. But I did make it, and people have been reading and responding to it, so I *will* respond, just... when I'm feeling a little less broken.

Also, how do you respond to a comment like this?
::sigh::
Sorry. I just don't have the energy.
Today, you have made the world a sadder place for me.
Bummed--
Aristide
I... have no idea what to say to that. At all.

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Also, how do you respond to a comment like this?

Was that a comment to fic or something? If it was, what a strange thing to say.

No, I don't actually write fic (wish I could, but I suck at writing).

Over a week ago, I made the mistake of writing out some of my thoughts on the whole "racism in SGA AU fics" thing here. I'm mostly a lurker, and not very many people read my LJ (and even less read my LJ *and* are in the SGA fandom, so I stupidly thought I was safe), so I left it public, and moved on. On Friday though, someone linked to it in

metafandom and then on Saturday it made the

sga_newletter.

I made some statements that really kind of sidestepped what was actually being discussed, threw in my own opinions. I mentioned how stupid people were being. I offered up my theory on why this might be occuring, and mentioned that I hadn't actually noticed this trend of racism.

It was poorly thought out (again, me just making notes to myself more than anything). It made some implications that I really never meant, and it's left me as one of the few people "defending" (really more of excusing) author's who might be writing such fics. It's also left people thinking that I'm racist/living with blinders on/"accusing people of colour of making shit up" (quoting the last one there) and I'm sure other unpleasant thoughts, none of which I meant, but have to live with now.

When the first comments popped up, my stomach was in total knots, because I'm non-confrontational, but knew that this post was going to put me in a situation I didn't really want to be in (I'm a lurker for a *reason*), and while I'll admit to wanting to delete/lock the post, that seemed really cowardly. So, I'm trying to talk about it, but really I just want to crawl into bed and cry. *sigh*

It made some implications that I really never meant, and it's left me as one of the few people "defending" (really more of excusing) author's who might be writing such fics.
That should *actually read as:
It made some implications that I really never meant, and it's left me as one of the few people "defending" author's (really more making up excuses) who might be writing such fics.

Ah. I stayed out of that all together, because...well. Many reasons, really.

It's also left people thinking that I'm racist/living with blinders on/"accusing people of colour of making shit up" (quoting the last one there) and I'm sure other unpleasant thoughts, none of which I meant, but have to live with now.

That sucks. And it's a shame that these discussions always seem to result in this, at least somewhere.

Ah. I stayed out of that all together, because...well. Many reasons, really.
Yeah, that's what I *normally* do, and should I ever feel the need to put my thoughts down on something like this again, well, I'll use a word doc.

That sucks. And it's a shame that these discussions always seem to result in this, at least somewhere.
It *is*. You think to yourself, "I don't know these people, I'll likely never meet them, I know myself, why should I let it bother me" but you just can't help but still be bothered. I was flamed in my last fandom, and well, I left because of it. People aren't *actually* flaming me here. For the most part people are being polite, but I still feel the pressure of their judgment.

And the sad thing is, I know I'm not the only one who's... not 100% behind the discussion.

seperis, who's been one of the only people going out there and publicly saying "I haven't seen this happening" actually came on my journal and thanked me, when I said she wasn't wrong to ask that. I've had a few other people tentatively say as much as well, but people are *afraid* to, because then you end up like myself or

seperis having to fend off accusations of racism.

Anyways, you want to stay out of it, so I'll stop. To tell the truth, I don't want to talk about it either, but, well, it's there anyways.

I've had a few other people tentatively say as much as well, but people are *afraid* to

It sounds like there's the perception of polarization in a lot of these discussions.

And I'll admit it might just be a perception. I've had a few comments, more so blasting me. I just know that *I* was planning on staying out of it for this reason, and I don't think it's too far of a stretch to think others have as well.
*shrugs* In the end I can only speak for myself, so I guess it doesn't really matter.

Delux_vivens was kind enough to point me towards a post that has a much more patient, compassionate and generous take on this process than I myself tend to have the patience for. So, just in case this might be of interest to you, or in some way useful to you, I offer it herewith:

http://brownfemipower.com/?p=697

A.

I'm sorry that RL is so hard for you right now, and that it's not helped when your place of escape (ie; here)is stressy too. I guess all any of you can do is be there for your Grandmother, I can't even begin to imagine what this must be like for her right now.

I hope things improve for you soon.

Thanks for that. I took yesterday off from things (and I'm steeling myself for delving back in today, even though I'd be much happier not) and feel a little better.

And yeah, fandom, it's special. When I was in the QaF fandom, I actually got really involved in it, and loved it to pieces. I think I love SGA as a show more, and the fic is about 10000X better, but the QaF *Fandom*. I keep wanting to go back into that being apart of things again, but when I try I seem to get burned. Granted I think pretty much anyone who opens their mouth on this matter is getting burned. The lurker side of me is calling though.

I guess all any of you can do is be there for your Grandmother
Yeah, we're lucky that two of my uncles and their family live in the same town, so she always has family *right*there*. And two of her daughters (my mom included) live about an hour and a half away, with another aunt willing to make the farther trip. We're pretty close knit, which has really been helping her.

*hugs*

Thanks :)

Also, how do you respond to a comment like this?

I would say it depends on the person who wrote the comment. If they're a friend of yours I'd talk about it. If they're a random person you've never interacted with before, I probably wouldn't bother responding.

Yeah, I'm not going to say anything to her original post, although she did respond to this post, telling me to go read something, so I'll just respond to that instead.

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