paraka | (no subject)

So I still haven't written about the party this weekend. I went really well. My cousin forgot his speech, so that was a little rough, but we managed to keep the location a surprise until almost the very end. The thing that made the weekend really long for me was, well, I kind of fell into one of those moods I get (skirting the edge of depression) where I just didn't want to see anyone, and was feeling really bitchy inside (I kind of let some of it out on

paradise_city, so sorry about that :S). I don't know if it's because I was really stressed going into the weekend, or just hormones, but I did not want to talk to people this weekend. I did get by ok, at the party, I was the DJ so sat in the corner mostly by myself. The next day when everyone was hanging out at my Nana's, I escaped by doing the dishes. Both of these escapes had the bright side of making me look really good to my family. It was also really nice that I was staying at a different house, because it meant we had a place to go to get
some peace and quiet. They also have internet there, so it was great being able to check my e-mail. I'm kind of a junkie (seriously, I always wonder why I don't have more new e-mails in my inbox, but that's mostly because I check it 5 times an hour, not because I don't get very many).

There were still a few bumps and drama's. My uncle heard a beeping in the middle of the night, and thought the fire alarm was short on battaries, so he pressed the reset button and got the rest of the family running outside at 4 in the morning thinking the house was on fire. One of my aunts took showers really early and woke everyone up while doing it. But most of these things were small.

I just wish I could get out of this funk. I've woken up the past couple days crying. Not over anything in particular, I'm just feeling crappy. My moods have been swinging a lot too, where one minute I'll be super happy, and the next I just want everything to go away. God, I hate feeling like this.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm kind of a junkie (seriously, I always wonder why I don't have more new e-mails in my inbox, but that's mostly because I check it 5 times an hour, not because I don't get very many).

Sounds like me =)

God, I hate feeling like this

And it sucks cos there's nothing you can do to make it go away, right? And a lot of the time you don't know why you feel like that either. Try not to beat yourself up about it too much, it just takes a little time and hopefully if you don't get too stressed by it, it might just pass by itself. It could well just be the whole build-up to the weekend had you all stressed out and now this is the mental and emotional release. Pamper yourself for a couple of days with your favourite things, whether it's mooching on the couch re-watching some fandom stuff, or whatever =)

*hugs*

I'm *such* an email junkie. I think I really got into the habit of it though, when I had my old school account, and if I left that alone for a few days, I'd end up with hundreds of e-mails on multiple pages. Now I have a decent spam catcher, and gmail groups conversations together, so even if I am gone a while, I come back and it at least doesn't look too bad.

I think (I hope, *crosses fingers*) that I'm over it now. But yeah, it totally sucks. I'm not sure if it's better or worse now that I can recognize what these feelings are. I'm sure I felt like this before, but I only really started to relate what these moods were after I spent a year really depressed. At first I thought I only got depressed when things in my life stressed me out, but then I moved to China, where there was pretty much zero stress, and I'd still have times when these feelings would come over me.
I think this mood caught me by surprise, because it had been so long since I've felt like this.

I totally understand how you feel. I get the same way periodically. I'm actually kind of in a funk like that right now. But I'm pretty sure that's just end of semester stuff. At least you had opportunities to get away from everyone without seeming antisocial. I always hate when I'm trying to go off by myself and people tell me that I'm being anti-social or even mean-spirited because I don't want to talk to people and I tell them as much.

Oh god, I can't tell you how much school stresses me out. Like, university had me go through my own little mental break down that almost left me dead, but instead I ended up in China. Then when I came back, I was fine when I was doing well, but then when the pressure started to pile on, I started hurting myself. I hope you start feeling better! *hugs*

And yeah, it gets me when people push you when you just want to be alone, or make it about them. The thing that a lot of people don't understand is, that with depression, you can't just choose to turn it off. It's not like if you try harder it'll go away, in fact, that's likely to make it *worse*. Sometimes you just need a day or two of sleeping a lot, and doing things on your own.